STILL not safe to go into the shower!!!

Posted by Rich on Thursday, February 14, 2008 to Masters

Just when you thought it was finally safe...

As a relatively new amateur athlete/masters racer trying to compete against former Pros and Cat 1's who somehow forgot to get slower, I figured that (surely) by now all the former superstars were either "in" or "out" of our  hyper-competitive masters bike racing scene.  With Paul Curley, Randy Rusk, Mark Hagen, Tom Officer, Chip Berezney, Dzimitri Bubin, etc, etc, etc, we're like little fish on our upstream training swim when one of these predators glides effortlessly by, all teeth and menace.  YIKES!

But wait, it is getting worse - MUCH WORSE!

Your worst nightmare:  Chainsaw Massacre IX?, Jaws VIII?, Psycho III?...

...Eric Heiden II!

According to Masters Athlete Magazine (formerly Geezerjock), Orthopedist/ Olympic speed skating multiple gold medalist/former Pro bike racer/underachiever/Dr. Erich Heiden is contemplating joining us lucky devils in the M50+ bracket for some easy spins around the ol' race course on his bicycle.  Word has it that the tree trunks that had been grafted in place of his legs have been replaced by more "normal" looking appendages.  No word yet as to whether he plans to race with one lung tied behind his back.

First to win five gold medals for the USA in a single Olympic Games, first to set four Olympic records and one World record in a single Olympiad, first speed skater to get the James E. Sullivan Award, first U.S. Pro champion bike racer, this Heiden fellow says that his athletic achievements are secondary in importance to his completion of his studies in orthopedics.  So remember that when he beats our tired butts, this was not his MAIN achievement!  I'm sure it will be much less painful for us knowing that we don't have to take tests for board certification as a orthopedist right after we straggle actoss the finish line!  GEEEEZZZ!

The good news:  Heiden lives and trains in Utah, so we don't have to see the same distant view of his forward-inclined, seated posterior in every New England race we enter.  Nope, the good doctor has chosen the National Senior Games as his goal. Take a barrel of fish, add one big shark, secure cover tightly, stand back!

E-mial to coach:  Cross-off National Senior Games on "A" list of personal goals, thanks.

 

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